©magicfeifei2024
I was born in a conservative Chinese family, or so I thought until one day I opened the locked drawer in my parents’ bedroom. Throughout my childhood, my mother and father embraced the role of traditional parents. At least this was the impression imprinted in my psyche when I left for boarding school in Canada at fifteen. After returning from my first year at university abroad, I found a drawer filled with sex toys on the side of their bed: Leather whips, handcuffs, role-play costumes, provided a glimpse into a hidden part of my parent’s persona I had never seen. I discovered a hidden world within my world, and the ensuing confusion was disorienting. The stabilizing values my parents established and instilled throughout my childhood were brought into question. My experiences as a woman, living outside my culture as an outsider, and my identity as a rebel in relationship to my parent’s traditional values were also in question after this discovery. Photographing the outward tear in my reality allowed me to gain new insight, and slowly recognize myself through my parents’ actions.
The series, “Once I opened my Dad’s Drawer”, focuses on the relationship between people, kinship, gender, and generational differences in east Asia. In order to accomplish this, I take my past experiences and recreate them for the camera. I explore the intergenerational conflict between myself, my parents, and their parents, and use photography to explore the interconnectivity between our lives to navigate the tangle of emotional complexity between three generations. The series emphasizes the contrast between traditional attire and cosplay to visualize the awkwardness my parents must feel about their hidden desire in relation to the outward appearance they maintain. Furthermore, the disjunctive elements have a playful vibe and reveal my parents’ secret personalities, and depict the joy associated with the release of repression.